Requirements

“If you love me say it. If you trust me do it. If you want me show it. If you need me prove it.”

~ Brownstone

I remember Pastor Jim randomly telling me some things in passing down the church hallway on Rundberg. I was around 18, fresh out of high school and he said, “Men play at love to achieve sex. Women play at sex to achieve love. Remember that.” He also told me a relationship loses the potential to grow any further once physical intimacy begins. He said that didn’t apply once married but unmarried, at the point you have sex with someone; your relationship would stagnate at that point. He was right.

Of course I didn’t listen back then but as I reflect on past relationships either I played at sex trying to achieve love or the relationship didn’t grow any further once sex came into the picture. What is that? What is it in women that make you feel if you give a man what he wants, he’ll give you what he wants and that if you don’t give them what they want, you will lose what you want; them.

Looking at relationships past and present (the ghost of boyfriends past hehe!) I see a lot of decisions being made that stem from the root of rejection. Not setting appropriate boundaries for fear they will not want to comply, ending in rejection. Not requiring anything for fear they will not want to comply, ending in rejection. Not speaking up for self for fear they will not like what is said, ending in rejection. Once I really looked at it like this, it’s hard to ignore or go on as if this revelation knowledge hasn’t enhanced my vision. I’ve been toooooo accommodating. Accommodation to a point is good but to the point that you don’t voice what you desire or expect is no longer acceptable.

Another thing women do, including yours truly, is think if we wait long enough and show them how much we care, they will change, become more of what we need, or basically see the light. A situation that comes to mind. I won’t call it a relationship since technically it’s not nor ever has been. We dated, got a long great, had a lot in common, and could talk for hours effortlessly. I thought it was the end all be all of relationships but if you asked him what it was, he would tell you that we were just really good friends. Over time, I remained available for the moment when he realized he felt the same way I did and would rectify the situation. Of course this never happened. I noticed the things he’d done in the beginning such as gifts and little thoughtful, sweet gestures slowed to drought (meaning not even a trickle!). Instead of looking at it for what it was, I thought, well he did this and that before so I know he knows how to and he’ll go back to it. Uhhhh, again, nope.

When Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment” first came out a few years ago, I didn’t read it. I thought the book was a fad movement that would die down and a way to make more money for Steve. After seeing the movie and laughing until I almost peed myself, I picked up a copy in the airport bookstore; I couldn’t wait to get home to purchase. Steve was right. He didn’t’ say anything I would call revolutionary or new, just things we as women often don’t want to hear or face. I saw myself alllll up and through there. For me the biggest point to work on is my requirements, being ok with setting expectations up front and being cool w/ it if they walk. …I guess I just have to keep reminding myself until it sticks.

Funk-O-Meter = 3.5

Days Without 'Cupcake' = 4