A Dime

“I need a dime that's top of the line. Cute face, lil' waist with a big behind.” ~ Mike Jones 

From time to time the thought crosses my mind, “Why am I 36 and still not married. Not only am I not married but never have married or engaged.” These thoughts really escalate when I’m out and about and I see some morbidly obese, sloppy, dirty looking, unattractive woman not only with a wedding ring on but with kids in tow; meaning someone had sex with her. I know that I don’t know who she’s married to and just because she’s married doesn’t mean she’s happy. Who is to say her husband isn’t disgusting, abusive, crazy, or something else I don’t want.  

Part of why I’m not married are these darn standards I have. How dare I want a man to be educated before I’ll consider being in a relationship with him. And who do I think I am to expect the man I’m dating to have a job or their own source of income (that’s legal!)? At the same time, from time to time that “You’re A Statistic” bug tries to bite me in the ass. 

I had to remind myself this morning…I’m a CATCH!! I’m nowhere near being a perfect person and I definitely have my flaws but when you add up the plusses and remove the minuses, the score is still in the range for being considered a Catch, a Dime, the Bomb, a 5-Star Chick and all the other terms used to describe a woman that is worth some effort. 

10 Reasons I Consider Myself A Dime 

1.       I love Jesus. No, like for real, That means I’ll pray for you and support your spiritual growth.

2.       I’m attractive. I’ve run into some people I went to high school and cosmetology school with and they are now fat, have a million babies, oh, I’m getting side tracked. I’m not a mud-duck.

3.       I cook. From scratch! I’m not a microwave chick! Women don’t cook anymore. I will roll out some pie crust on you in a heartbeat. I don’t consider it a chore to cook but a privilege. It’s one of my stress relievers.

4.       I’m educated and know how to properly construct a sentence (doesn’t mean I always do it). I finished my bachelor’s at UT with honors and am halfway through a master’s program.

5.       [Ken, skip this one and go to number 6.] I’m nasty and have a high freak number. I’m not the woman that will tell my husband I have a headache or do anything to avoid having sex. I am going to do everything I can to keep things hot and heavy as long as we are on this earth.

6.       I enjoy cleaning. This is my other stress reliever and something I do for fun. My ex said I hogged all of the chores lol! Who complains their clothes are washed, folded, and hung without having to do it themselves? I sincerely don’t mind doing most of the cleaning. Now I’m not saying my husband can be a slob and leave his pants and underwear where he took them off as if he just stepped out of them and the pants are standing alone. No sir, but I’ll scrub the tub. I’ll hose the clothes.

7.       I’m self-sufficient. I don’t need my hand held all day long and can easily entertain myself. I don’t expect to be glued to my man’s hip and encourage going out to hang w/ the guys. Heck, I’ll get you a stack of one’s so you can make it rain while you’re there.

8.       I have a good job and a promising career. With my experience and education, I anticipate promotions and raises so I can contribute to the household or finance my own shoe and purse fund (red bottoms, I’m coming for you!).

9.       I’m versatile. I know how to conduct myself with the upper echelon but can scrub the ground with the best of ‘em. In my car you’ll hear everything from Celine Dion and Adele to Brad Paisley andTwo Chainz!

10.   I’m easy. I’m not implying I’m a street-booty whore, I’m saying I am not high maintenance. I don’t require constant or expensive attention. I’m usually more excited about the small things like a new stick of cocoa butter for my lips than big ticket items. I’m easy like Sunday morning.

On the contrary, I burp loudly and often, am emotional, and a mess sometimes but I think the good far outweighs the bad. Anyone that doesn’t take the time to know me or doesn’t want to meet my minimum requirements (which are not unreasonable), then it’s their loss. Someone will come along one day and take the time to discover the jewel I am. I just need to remember that.  

Funk-O-Meter = 3.5

Days Without 'Cupcake' = 5