Only The Lonely

“I'm scared of lonely

And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along the wall

And I'm scared the only heartbeat I hear beating is my own”

~ Beyonce

I was on the phone with one of my dearest friends yesterday and she mentioned she was lonely. My instant reaction was, “aren’t we always?” I think I’ve lived there so long it doesn’t feel odd or nearly as uncomfortable as it used to.  

I’ve heard people –usually people that have somebody- say you can be lonely even if you’re with someone. Uuuhhhh being lonely with someone sharing your space and at least making minimal conversation with you when you’re mad is vastly different from being damn alone! Wishing you were alone or ignoring your partner doesn’t even compare with the piercing, icy cold  silence of actual alone. 

I was feeling my girl’s pain since there have been days I don’t even think I’ve spoken aloud because there was no human to speak to…now THAT is alone.  

**Side note: For all my single girlfriends that have the ‘marrieds’ telling you, “you won’t always be alone!” 

*EYE ROLL*

...and  the marrieds can bite me! 

You marrieds are saying this with a warm body in your bed even when you don’t like them or aren’t speaking. You may have known our pain previously, but that’s past tense and it’s hard to hear you when you aren’t living there!

Anywhooooooo! I think I’ve come up with and been given some creative ways to wrangle the loneliness.

1.       Get Busy!

Ok…I didn’t mean it like that, Nasty, since being alone would make facilitating that somewhat difficult. But now that I think about it, doing that solo can kill some time, relieve some pressure, and get your mind off of being alone so this too is a viable option LOL! What I meant was find activities to busy yourself and fill your time.

a.       Gym – no better way to kill time waiting to share your life with someone than by getting fine so when you meet them you’re ready hehe

b.      Book clubs – reading kills time and you can get lost in a good book…well I can

c.       Business networking events

d.      Hobbies – cooking classes, rock climbing, swimming, something!

2.       Date Yourself

Last Saturday, I felt the lonelies creeping up on me so I went on a date. I went to DSW and looked at shoes, took myself to a nice restaurant, sat at the bar and had oysters and a cosmo, hit the redbox…and some more cosmos. Now I am in no way advocating alcoholism but libations do help!

3.       Hang Out w/ Friends

Kudos to Byrdie for the idea of coffee in two different cities. She recommended going to her Starbuck’s in California and me going to mine in Texas and we chat while we have coffee as if we were there together. Crazy? Well when you don’t have anyone to hang out with locally, it’s better than solitude!

If you have friends nearby, USE THEM! Make plans for dinners, happy hours, movies etc!

4.       Volunteer

Get active at church. Join the praise or prayer team. Become a candy striper.

What I’ve learned is it’s best to find ways not to isolate yourself. I am in no way implying this shit is easy! I do agree with the marrieds in that the lonlies won’t last always. I just have to make sure I remain conscious in deciding to focus on what I have, where I’m going, not on what’s missing. What you focus on, you give life to so focusing on lonely makes it bigger and can feel overwhelming. Focusing on life’s blessings is much more fulfilling even though every damn day is a struggle. If you know me you’ve heard me say it and I earnestly believe it…if you don’t quit you win.

Love you, D!

Funk-O-Meter = .5 (...blame it on the rain yaaa yaaaaaa!)