Relentless

 

“Being enlightened, is no longer enough

You must apply

Being willing is no longer acceptable

You must do 

I gotta shake this jail shit off me

He ain’t gon’ never sell, he gon’ fail shit off me

I gotta shake this weak shit off me

Keep shit off me, leave it in the streets like

Bitch GET OFF ME!”

~ Royce Da 5’9” – Shake This 

Today I did a meditation on abundance. I wasn’t in the “best” mood when I embarked on this venture. Interestingly enough, highlighted one of the major roles abundance has played in my life, which I ended up focusing on.  

As I look back on my journey thus far, I am proud of and embrace the fact I have an abundance of survival skills. Even when I want to give up myself or take myself out, the abundance of survival that resides within me overrides any attempts of quitting. I am not capable of not trying. I don’t have the ability to not do what is required to persevere. 

I possess an abundant amount of determination, tenacity, stubbornness, resolve, fortitude and resilience. For example, I’ve recently been having some health issues (…again). As a result, I’ve been tired, fatigued, in pain, unmotivated and disengaged. As much as I wanted to just not go to work or school, ball up in bed, file for FMLA and medical leave that I know my medical professionals would recommend and sign off on…I refuse. I get up and go to work. I’m in class right now. Inside I just want to go to bed but something won’t let me do just enough to get by.   

It kind of reminds me of when you try and hold your own breath or stop breathing but at some point, your body takes over and breathes regardless of your thought to halt breathing. You can’t control it. You can fight it all you want but unless you are truly asphyxiated, you will breathe without thought or effort. That’s how I feel about quitting. Even when I try or don’t physically or mentally do anything towards exerting effort, I end up on auto pilot.  

Huh. I guess I have revelation knowledge of what I’ve heard Pastor Jim say many times: 

“If you don’t quit, you win.” 

I know my win is inevitable since I do not possess the capability to resign.

 

Funk-O-Meter = 13

(total days in a funky mood from 7/10/12 – 7/10/13)