God Blessed My Broken Road

"I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you"

~ Rascal Flatts – God Blessed The Broken Road 

 

From time to time, memories about the not so pleasant parts of life pop up. I may have gotten under, over, around or through it but I still remember. Recollection of the extremely excruciating experiences sometimes leaves me wondering if I absolutely had to go endure that. Was that reallllly necessary? I think about some decisions I made and wonder if my life would be different or better had I chosen differently or redirected my path.  

Recently, someone asked me (several times) why I wasn’t married. Those of you that know me pretty well know I’ve asked that question of y’all, God, Chloee and anyone that would listen. I don’t get it. I would sit back and reflect on my strengths and weaknesses and I really think I’m a good catch. I’m not perfect…AT ALL, but I think my strengths outweigh the weaknesses. Well for the first time, when I was asked this, the thought came to me…maybe I’m not married yet because it wasn’t time. When I said it, it resonated for a while. Maybe it really wasn’t time. Just because I wanted it and I thought I was ready for it, that doesn’t mean that was God’s plan or timing in my life. 

 

Periodically, everyone is asked if they could change one thing about their life or redo a decision, what would it be and how would they change it. So I try and pick the most dreadful, painful, life altering moments and contemplate how changing it or not enduring it would impact my life today. That’s when I am reminded…everything I have endured has made me who I am today. That maybe it was necessary for me to go through everything I’ve come across to prepare me for something I don’t know I will encounter in the future.  

If I were to undo the most agonizing parts of my life, would I have followed the same path? Would I have met the same people? Would I have developed the strength I have in order to overcome? I have learned to look at the hurtful experiences as life lessons. I don’t think I would have the tenacity and survival skills I have now had it not been for things being as rough as they were. 

 

Relationship wise, could it be I’ve been invisible to some because it wasn’t time? Maybe it was necessary for me to go through the tragic, agonizing and dreadful relationships to teach me lessons I’ll need in my real and permanent relationship? It actually surprised me when I said, “maybe it wasn’t time” in response to why I’ve not been cuffed yet. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense and the more at peace with where I currently am I became. Had I not gone through every life experience over the past 36 years, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

 

 I wouldn’t be as comfortable in my skin and sure of who I am as I am today. I wouldn’t be able to set boundaries, stand up for myself, not lose my voice and feel comfortable saying no as I do now. I wouldn’t demand the respect I now view non-negotiable. I wouldn’t know how to articulate what I want and maintain my viewpoint in the face of conflict. I wouldn’t have been molded into the loving, supportive, giving and resilient woman I am today that will not accept less than what is due me. 

 

As rough and rugged the road I’ve traveled is, I know my steps have been ordered of God. I am assured God has a plan and a purpose for my life, to prosper me and never to harm me. I know God will bless me with the desires of my heart. I am assured that every footstep I’ve trod is bringing me closer to the person God has called me to unite with. As I type this, I remember a conversation I had with Mama Jo at church back in the 90’s when she told me that relationships are like triangles with me and the person I’m supposed to be with on one end and the third corner being God. As we each grow closer to God, our paths grow closer together until they cross, intermingle and we travel together. I feel relief in the realization that it’s not that I have missed out on something or made wrong decisions that will keep me from my desired end, it is all a path I’ve walked directing me to where I am supposed to be. It wasn’t time yet…but I know I’m headed in the right direction and will collide w/ my happily ever after in God’s appointed time.