Wifey

"Thank you for being a friend

Traveled down the road and back again

Your heart is true; you’re a pal and a confidant

And if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew

You would see the biggest gift would be for me

And the card attached would say

Thank you for being a friend!"

~Golden Girls Theme Song

 

While having a discussion with my coworkers and trying to convey the depth and significance of my relationship with my best friend, it occurred to me…we’re married; she’s my wife. They are all married. Yes, I’m the only person NOT married in our department but that is a discussion for another day. Anyway, when I said she was my wife, they seemed to get it.

 

Now don’t get it twisted, y’all know we are BOTH heterosexual and only attracted to men, but the more I thought about the various aspects of our relationship, it’s what a marriage is or should be. I was trying to convey that she is more than just a best friend, isn’t blood related but she’s closer to me than those that are.

 

When I think of marriage (disclaimer: I have never been married so I could be all kinds of wrong but this is how it works in my mind), the following things come to mind:

 

Ø  Lifetime commitment

Ø  Unconditional Love. A no matter what, even if you’re dead wrong, I will help you hide the body kind of love.

Ø  Trust

Ø  Shared spiritual beliefs

Ø  No judgment

Ø  Security

Ø  Respect

Ø  Support

Ø  Encouragement

Ø  Confidant

Ø  Honesty (even when it’s not happy honesty)

Ø  Financial backing

Ø  Discussions on child rearing decisions

Ø  Communication. Using words, something a lot of men struggle with apparently.

 

My wife is ALL of those things to me. I check my sanity level w/ my wife. I confide in my wife. I sincerely know in my heart that she loves me and would never do anything to hurt me. I never question that or wonder. We have our own song “Down 4 My N&@#$” by Snoop. I think I would take a bullet for her. I know if she murdered someone, I would help her discard evidence and get rid of the body. I would never snitch on her. There are things that are going to the grave with us(and no, neither one of us has been a participant in a murder. Maybe an assault, but not murder). Like this is serious business! We even sit on the phone watching television shows together in two different states.

 

If I get married, I want to have and feel all of the things listed above. Dude…she’s my “person.” I know I’m always safe with her in regards to my emotions and ability to trust implicitly. And as much as she means to me, whomever I marry will be more so and should become my person. My wife and I have discussed this transition and have an agreement husbands can outrank the other. We also promised we will not ignore each other, breakup with, or change our shared connection. At her urging, there was an added amendment that we will not run off w/ some man and forget the other person existed; that we will be mindful of the importance of our relationship even in the honeymoon stage of courting/marriage. Due to previous lapses in judgment when it comes to men, I have given my wife veto power if she sees me headed straight to crazyville again (Chloee has veto power as well…if she doesn’t like you, it ain’t gonna work). There are a lot of women that get married and forget the importance of female friends, which can put a strain on your marriage relationship. There are things he just might not ever understand since he’s a man.

 

I want my husband to be my best friend. I want to feel as safe to be myself and accepted as I feel w/ my wife. I believe my relationship w/ my husband should supersede any other relationship in my life after my relationship with God. Now that whole husband part…that’s another story. Especially since on the way home from class last night, I thought to myself life isn’t too bad and if I don’t ever get married, I can be content with what and whom I do have. I would like to, but I’ve gotten to a point where I won’t fall out, throw myself over an overpass or anything crazy like that if I don’t ever get married. I’ve made it this far in life without one, so I know I can survive alone…I just think the journey would be more enjoyable w/ a partner.